...idk???
suddenly felt like writing something tonight.
although i'm pretty sure that idk what to write.
oh well.
i'll just bluff for a while.
this holiday,
somehow it made me realize something.
what.is.love.
i wonder.
always.
what is love anyway?
it made people hurt.
it made them senseless.
it made them blind.
seeing the situations around me,
i came to a riddle.
will i be able to love someone n to be loved by someone actually?
i love everyone,
that's for sure.
no matter how much they hurt me,
or insult me,
or annoy me,
or even hate me,
i still love them.
although sometimes i do hate them.
but do they love me equally?
what i want to say here,
actually,
time doesn't make your love greater.
for an example,
you have been friends with someone for 3 to 4 years.
n yet you still don't understand her sometimes.
can you ensure yourself that you both love each other equally?
i'm having many situations involving love in my life right now.
first,
i love my friends.
i really do.
but sometimes,
i don't think they love me equally.
because,
they abandoned me and hurt my feelings without realizing it sometimes.
until there comes a time when i thought that i'm just an invisible soul among them.
second,
my family.
they annoy me.
a lot.
but i need them.
i might love them.
i can't say that is for sure.
because of the circumstances i am,
in the past and the present.
this is what i think.
in the past,
dad once scolded me for spilling water in the car.
but when the same thing happened again,
this time it is my younger sister who is at fault,
he did nothing except bringing her to eat n ensure that she's not hungry or thirsty.
a few years before this,
i was lying on the floor when my elder sister was playing with the 'spinning' chair.
i cried when she made my hair stuck into the wheels of the chair.
dad scolded her until she cried at that time.
dad was in favor of the younger one.
that's my opinion.
this continued until now.
although now it's not so obvious like in the past years.
in the present,
now,
when i have finally come to all my senses,
i think,
mum n dad weren't cooperating much.
both have their egos.
both minds won't work together most of the times.
what i hate about them,
in the car when something makes them mad,
it's gonna be all quiet n no talk.
not even the radio's on.
that's when dad got mad.
if mum gets mad or annoyed,
she'll say something like 'bodoh','bengong' or 'setan'.
something like that.
dad's the same.
except for the part when dad says 'hisy'.
because i've never,
i think,
heard mum says 'hisy' when she's mad or annoyed while driving.
one thing's for sure,
i hate it when they do that.
now,
i'd like to babble about my,
yes.
my love life.
i've never had any lovers.
except for two couples.
for me,
you can't say your couple is your lover.
it's because sometimes people just have a couple for fun,
right?
my first couple,
great.
damn hell great.
he was actually trying to make his ex-gf jealous n played me.
what a jerk.
second couple,
he's not bad.
he actually likes me from primary school.
before we became a couple,
i liked him.
but when we start to become one,
i suddenly felt bored.
totally bored.
n so i decided to break up with him.
why?
i don't want him to suffer later by telling him,
"i don't like/love you actually" in the future.
that time i realize i liked him because people kept matchmaking us together.
i tried to not contact him for a while.
though he kept trying to contact me,
i did nothing.
of course i was tension n damn annoyed because then,
he used my friends to get to me.
they were all putting the blame on me for not contacting him.
not to mention hurting his feelings because he "loves" me very much.
ugh! please.
we are only in school.
what's the use of love in our studies anyway?
now it's aniq.
i'm killing myself with the thoughts of him every day.
idk why but i can't get him out of my head.
i just can't.
he's not that handsome,
i know.
he's not that nice,
i know.
he's a liar,
i know.
he's a playboy whose sweet talk can make anyone fall for him.
i know!
n yet i still like him.
idk whether it's like like or just like.
but this one's for real.
here's the thing.
every morning,
i'll find him.
then i'll look at him.
ok most of the time peeping.
i'm dead if i get caught looking at a "hunk" for a long time.
heh2.
does he actually deserve to be called a hunk anyway.
what i like about him;
his hair n his looks.
or maybe his hair n his style.
yup,
that's a much better answer.
a few things that i hate about him,
he doesn't have 'the attitude'.
his results isn't so good either.
so does his sport.
he kept acting like he knows everything when he doesn't.
he kept acting like the leader when he's not.
he kept acting like every girl on earth will fall for him.
although i can't say what spell did he put me under.
i wish i knew.
i wish you would recognize me.
i wish we have something.
these wishes,
sigh~
none other than miracles if they do happen.
but then,
i don't care if it doesn't happen.
it's because,
i don't want to stop looking at him.
even though i only looked from far.
i will pray for him.
i will always hope that he could be there for me to look at him.
i don't want to lose what i already have with him now.
like i do have something with him.
that can never happen i think.
hahaha.
what i meant was,
i don't want to stop looking at him from far.
my dear aniq.
idk whether it suits or not.
but dear is a very precious word to me.
that's why i named u that,
my DEAR~!
don't get it wrong,
i meant u,
not aniq.
here's something that i would really,
really want to tell him.
but i know i could never do it.
i just don't have the heart to do it.
why do i keep running from the truth
all i ever think about is you
you got me hypnotized
so mesmerized
and i just got to know
do you ever think
when you're all alone
all that we can be
where this thing can go
am i crazy or falling in love
is it really just another crush
do you catch a breath
when i look at you
are you holding back
like the way i do
cause i've tried and tried to walk away
but i know this crush ain't going away
that's all i think.
no more.
if i do have more,
i will,
tell u my DEAR.
crazy?
that's me.
corny?
idk.
maybe.
annoying?
yup.
i guess so.
oh whatthehell.
i'm just writing what i want to write.
in other words,
i write straight from my heart.
well then,
adieu.
although i'm pretty sure that idk what to write.
oh well.
i'll just bluff for a while.
this holiday,
somehow it made me realize something.
what.is.love.
i wonder.
always.
what is love anyway?
it made people hurt.
it made them senseless.
it made them blind.
seeing the situations around me,
i came to a riddle.
will i be able to love someone n to be loved by someone actually?
i love everyone,
that's for sure.
no matter how much they hurt me,
or insult me,
or annoy me,
or even hate me,
i still love them.
although sometimes i do hate them.
but do they love me equally?
what i want to say here,
actually,
time doesn't make your love greater.
for an example,
you have been friends with someone for 3 to 4 years.
n yet you still don't understand her sometimes.
can you ensure yourself that you both love each other equally?
i'm having many situations involving love in my life right now.
first,
i love my friends.
i really do.
but sometimes,
i don't think they love me equally.
because,
they abandoned me and hurt my feelings without realizing it sometimes.
until there comes a time when i thought that i'm just an invisible soul among them.
second,
my family.
they annoy me.
a lot.
but i need them.
i might love them.
i can't say that is for sure.
because of the circumstances i am,
in the past and the present.
this is what i think.
in the past,
dad once scolded me for spilling water in the car.
but when the same thing happened again,
this time it is my younger sister who is at fault,
he did nothing except bringing her to eat n ensure that she's not hungry or thirsty.
a few years before this,
i was lying on the floor when my elder sister was playing with the 'spinning' chair.
i cried when she made my hair stuck into the wheels of the chair.
dad scolded her until she cried at that time.
dad was in favor of the younger one.
that's my opinion.
this continued until now.
although now it's not so obvious like in the past years.
in the present,
now,
when i have finally come to all my senses,
i think,
mum n dad weren't cooperating much.
both have their egos.
both minds won't work together most of the times.
what i hate about them,
in the car when something makes them mad,
it's gonna be all quiet n no talk.
not even the radio's on.
that's when dad got mad.
if mum gets mad or annoyed,
she'll say something like 'bodoh','bengong' or 'setan'.
something like that.
dad's the same.
except for the part when dad says 'hisy'.
because i've never,
i think,
heard mum says 'hisy' when she's mad or annoyed while driving.
one thing's for sure,
i hate it when they do that.
now,
i'd like to babble about my,
yes.
my love life.
i've never had any lovers.
except for two couples.
for me,
you can't say your couple is your lover.
it's because sometimes people just have a couple for fun,
right?
my first couple,
great.
damn hell great.
he was actually trying to make his ex-gf jealous n played me.
what a jerk.
second couple,
he's not bad.
he actually likes me from primary school.
before we became a couple,
i liked him.
but when we start to become one,
i suddenly felt bored.
totally bored.
n so i decided to break up with him.
why?
i don't want him to suffer later by telling him,
"i don't like/love you actually" in the future.
that time i realize i liked him because people kept matchmaking us together.
i tried to not contact him for a while.
though he kept trying to contact me,
i did nothing.
of course i was tension n damn annoyed because then,
he used my friends to get to me.
they were all putting the blame on me for not contacting him.
not to mention hurting his feelings because he "loves" me very much.
ugh! please.
we are only in school.
what's the use of love in our studies anyway?
now it's aniq.
i'm killing myself with the thoughts of him every day.
idk why but i can't get him out of my head.
i just can't.
he's not that handsome,
i know.
he's not that nice,
i know.
he's a liar,
i know.
he's a playboy whose sweet talk can make anyone fall for him.
i know!
n yet i still like him.
idk whether it's like like or just like.
but this one's for real.
here's the thing.
every morning,
i'll find him.
then i'll look at him.
ok most of the time peeping.
i'm dead if i get caught looking at a "hunk" for a long time.
heh2.
does he actually deserve to be called a hunk anyway.
what i like about him;
his hair n his looks.
or maybe his hair n his style.
yup,
that's a much better answer.
a few things that i hate about him,
he doesn't have 'the attitude'.
his results isn't so good either.
so does his sport.
he kept acting like he knows everything when he doesn't.
he kept acting like the leader when he's not.
he kept acting like every girl on earth will fall for him.
although i can't say what spell did he put me under.
i wish i knew.
i wish you would recognize me.
i wish we have something.
these wishes,
sigh~
none other than miracles if they do happen.
but then,
i don't care if it doesn't happen.
it's because,
i don't want to stop looking at him.
even though i only looked from far.
i will pray for him.
i will always hope that he could be there for me to look at him.
i don't want to lose what i already have with him now.
like i do have something with him.
that can never happen i think.
hahaha.
what i meant was,
i don't want to stop looking at him from far.
my dear aniq.
idk whether it suits or not.
but dear is a very precious word to me.
that's why i named u that,
my DEAR~!
don't get it wrong,
i meant u,
not aniq.
here's something that i would really,
really want to tell him.
but i know i could never do it.
i just don't have the heart to do it.
why do i keep running from the truth
all i ever think about is you
you got me hypnotized
so mesmerized
and i just got to know
do you ever think
when you're all alone
all that we can be
where this thing can go
am i crazy or falling in love
is it really just another crush
do you catch a breath
when i look at you
are you holding back
like the way i do
cause i've tried and tried to walk away
but i know this crush ain't going away
that's all i think.
no more.
if i do have more,
i will,
tell u my DEAR.
crazy?
that's me.
corny?
idk.
maybe.
annoying?
yup.
i guess so.
oh whatthehell.
i'm just writing what i want to write.
in other words,
i write straight from my heart.
well then,
adieu.
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